it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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