I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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