If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he told me I talked like a deaf person
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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