1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
