I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
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