Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
