just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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