exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
