it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
