how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
