Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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