Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
