Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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