i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize