seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
