he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
