I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
