You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Of course I have a pirate flag
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
