I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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