Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
