We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
