I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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