since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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