sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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