Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
