just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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