Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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