All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
