Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
