That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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