He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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