the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I puked a lego.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
