This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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