I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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