I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
