finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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