somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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