I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
