Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
