so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
