Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
