Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
