when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
