I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just blew my weed a kiss
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
