I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
this hospital has no fireball
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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