u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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