Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
