If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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