I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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