He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
