he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
