After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
