Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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