you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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