You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
