She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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