I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
