The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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