I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
