I CAN MOONWALK!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
