i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
