Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
