This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize