Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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