so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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