First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
