my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
