so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
