I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
