this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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