Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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