It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
