Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
