hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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