Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
