Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
