so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
