drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
