I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
